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Swag: Not all Kyras are created equal

One of the joys of the internet music culture is that it’s very easy to find new artists and songs to listen to. One day my sister and I happened to chance upon an obscure artist named Kyra. Of course, we had to check this out. I mean, it’s not a super common name and we were excited by the find. Then we saw the cover art for the track and noticed that other Kyra and I don’t look all that much alike.

kyraswag

It only got better when we realized that she had a single titled “Get Your Swag On.” It goes a little something like this:

I really like the part at the beginning where she’s just whispering the word swag. I was going to say that I also have mad dace skills like that, but I don’t believe in lying to you readers. Much.

Let’s get real for a moment. The whole concept of swag is a little lost on me. Unless you’re referring to the older definition of swag, the one where it was an acronym for Stuff We All Get. Like it just meant the free stuff they handed out at fairs or wherever. And I’m all about free stuff. Especially if it’s books or food. But like “swagga” is lost on me. I have yet to attain that level of coolness.

But wait, there’s more…

Kyra is also the name of a band. So of course I had to check them out too. Here’s one of their videos:

The first 30 seconds made it pretty clear that we’re kindred spirits (just kidding, not sure if you can tell over the internet).

Kyra. It’s a happening name these days.

Top 10 They Might Be Giants Lyrics

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So I’m sharing a car with my sister Miranda and while I was away for college she removed all the CDs in the car that I liked and replaced them with CDs I didn’t want to listen to. For some reason, the only CD she had left in the car that I particularly wanted to listen to was Collin Raye’s greatest hits CD. I happen to love that CD and can sing every word to every song. But after listening to it ten times through in about two days I decided to track down my old CDs.

I didn’t find them. Well, not for awhile anyway. In the meantime, though, I did rediscover our copy of They Might Be Giant’s Flood. I happened to be listening to it when I picked up my younger brother from a friend’s house. Today I was incredibly proud when he asked if he could change the CD in our car so we could “listen to that whistling in the dark song.”

flood

Uh… anyway. Here’s my top 10 countdown of They Might Be Giants lyrics. But just from the album Flood. Because doing a compilation from all their albums would be too much work.

10. “I will never apologize for when I was eight and I made my younger brother have to be my personal slave.” Dead

9. “A man came up to me and said ‘I’d like to change your mind. By hitting you with a rock’ he said ‘though I am not unkind.” Whistling in the Dark

8.”Is he a dot or is he a speck? When he’s under water does he get wet? Or does the water get him instead? Nobody knows. Particle  man.” Particle Man

7. “Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul not Constantinople. So if you’ve a date in Constantinople, she’ll be waiting in Istanbul.” Istanbul

6. “Minimum wage! Hiya!” Minimum Wage (can a whip crack count as a lyric?)

5. “Why did Constantinople get the works? That’s nobody’s business but the Turks.” Istanbul

4. “But I was young and foolish then. I feel old and foolish now.” Lucky Ball and Chain

3. “I’ll never see myself in the mirror with my eyes closed.” Dead

2. “There’s a picture opposite me of my primitive ancestry which stood on rocky shores and kept the beaches shipwreck free. Though I respect that a lot, I’d be fired if that were my job. After killing Jason off and countless screaming Argonauts.” Birdhouse in Your Soul

1. “Sure as you can’t steer a train, you can’t change your fate.” Lucky Ball and Chain

Also: did you know that the song Bird House in Your Soul is actually about a nightlight?

50 More Ways to Say Goodbye

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First- this post won’t make any sense if you’re not familiar with Train’s song “50 Ways to Say Goodbye.” It’s a delightful little number which I’ve included here for your convenience.

Yes, it’s a great song. And no, you weren’t imagining when you thought it sounded like a mariachi version of Phantom of the Opera. Anyway since Mr.Monahan is out of ways to say his former girlfriend died, I offer the following 50 ways.

  1. Choked on a gum ball
  2. Flattened by a zamboni
  3. Picked up by a tornado
  4. Strapped to a rocket
  5. Struck by lightning
  6. Attacked by a badger
  7. Crushed by a wild mob
  8. Froze in a snowstorm
  9. Caught in an avalanche
  10. Sucked in a turbine
  11. Had a coconut fall on her head
  12. Tripped off a building
  13. Fell through while ice fishing
  14. Hit by a firecracker
  15. Zapped by a wet toaster
  16. Smacked with a baseball bat
  17. Ate some poisoned mushrooms
  18. Bit by a rabid monkey
  19. Stepped too close to a bonfire
  20. Impaled by an icicle
  21. Crushed by a rolling bale of hay
  22. Rode her bike off a cliff
  23. Impaled by a rhino
  24. Ran into some cannibals
  25. Caught the black plague
  26. Bid by a black widow
  27. Went running with scissors
  28. Smashed under a piano
  29. Sucked into a black hole
  30. Insulted Chuck Norris
  31. Slain by some ninjas
  32. Hugged a cactus
  33. Sat on by a sumo wrestler
  34. Stung by a jelly fish
  35. Skied off a mountain
  36. Snagged by a bear trap
  37. Starved in Siberia
  38. Ran into a wolverine
  39. Stuck on an island
  40. Scared half to death twice
  41. Became a vampire’s lunch
  42. Fried by some lava
  43. Scuba tank had a leak
  44. Played tribute in the Hunger Games
  45. Sacrificed by some Aztecs
  46. Had a faulty parachute
  47. Beat to death with a spatula
  48. Forced to walk the plank
  49. Elevator dropped 20 floors
  50. Contracted a rare tropical disease

There you have it. 50 more ways to say goodbye.