“Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye
This is actually take two at this blog post. I wrote it once and decided it was too angsty and/or personal. Honestly, I probably would have scratched the post all together, but I thought the title was kind of catchy.
Don’t worry. I’m not angsty because anything traumatic is going on in my life. It’s more like I’m ansgty because not much is going on at all it feels like. Essentially, I haven’t known what to do with myself since I got back from Europe. I miss being there, and more importantly, I miss the people I was there with.
I’m not really sure what more to say about that without going into the personal stuff that made me get rid of my first draft. But to give the short version, I’ve spent a lot of time the past couple years readjusting as friends have moved in and out of my life. I guess that’s just part of college life; people are there one minute and gone the next because everyone is in a state of flux. To some extent, I guess I’d even just accepted that that’s how things were.
It wasn’t until Europe that I realized just how badly I miss some of those people. It wasn’t until I got close, REALLY close, to my flatmates and the two boys on our study abroad that it all kind of hit me. I miss people. A lot. And not just a couple people, either.
It’s hard to explain how close my fellow students and I got. In six short weeks we managed to emotionally expose ourselves to each other in a way that I don’t think any of us expected. And to be honest, it was something of a miracle. At least, that’s the only way I can think to describe it. And I have not missed anybody as badly as I’ve missed them (when we’ve only even been apart a little over a week) in ages. That’s impressive for me, because like I said, I miss a lot of people quite a bit.
I guess it’s probably time to bring all this rambling to a point. You can’t stop people from leaving your life. Believe me, I’m that clingy, sentimental person who tries. Sometimes the people you care about just go separate ways. Sometimes you find yourself at sixes and sevens with people you used to understand perfectly. Sometimes people out and out break your heart. Sometimes people slowly fade out of your life. Sometimes you don’t even know what happened, but you just wake up and they’re gone.
It’s going to happen. Maybe a lot. You can’t stop it, and (trite as it may be) all you can do is live in the moment. Appreciate people while you have them. Do something everyday that let’s somebody else know you love them. Compliment them. Hug them. Listen to them. Best yet—just tell them you love them.
I’ve been trying to be good at that. And I hope people know every compliment is sincere; it’s not just something I do. I’m sorry if it’s weird or if you get flustered (you know who you are). I can’t help it. I’m just grateful you’re around. I hope you stay around. But if not, I love you anyway.
And I always will.
When I get angsty I tend to listen to kinda cheesy music and get really into it. This has been on my playlist this week. One of my favorite goofballs apparently had a dream that on our last night in Europe we listened to this song while standing in a circle with our arms around each other and swaying back and forth. So of course we had to do it. It was one of our most ridiculous moments. And one of my favorites.