I am (almost) some bunny’s hero.

Earlier this week I woke up to a thumping noise outside the window. I pulled back the window shade (actually just a giant sheet of styrofoam intended to keep the sun out) and saw that a bunny had fallen into the window well and was stuck. I decided I was going to get it out because a) I do not like dead bunnies and b) It was really loud.

Unfortunately, the bunny was really fast and hard to catch. I spent 45 minutes chasing him around the window well with a shovel before devising a clever strategy to trick him into hiding in a large bucket and tipping it over so he was stuck in the bucket and I could pull the bucket out. I released him and he nibbled on a little grass. Then he saw me and freaked out because I had just chased him around a window well with a shovel for 45 minutes. And then he ran into a mouse trap. So… That was basically just a waste of 45 minutes.

An elaboration on my super powers.

As we’re on the topic of heroism, I think now would be an appropriate to list my known super powers. As already discussed, I think I have squirrel powers, which has continued to be reaffirmed this week. I also have a power in which I get to a store or restaurant right before it gets really busy. Miranda also wanted me to point out that I’m really good at knowing things I’m not supposed to know, though I think that’s debatable.

I also discovered a new power. I can sense when Taylor Swift is being played on the radio. Sometimes I’ll randomly switch the station and there will be a Taylor Swift song on. Granted, it helps that her songs are on pretty much all the time. But When I was driving around the other day at 4 am and there was nothing good on the radio, I thought to switch over to the country station and there she was. To celebrate, I made my own Bad Blood music video poster. And since we’re talking about it, I really want that music video to be turned into like a full length feature film.

Taylor Swift lyrics of the week: “Everybody here was someone else before. And you can want who you want.”

“She’s a killer queen. Gunpowder, gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam. Guaranteed to blow your mind.” Killer Queen, Queen

“I’m hooked on a feeling. I’m high on believing that you’re in love with me.” Hooked on a Feeling, B.J. Thomas

“Do you like walking in the rain? When you think of love do you think of pain?” Mess is Mine, Vance Joy

Since it’s Father’s Day, this post is going to reflect on how awesome my dad is. And weird. And awesomely weird. And weirdly awesome.

My dad has always been great about bringing us together as a family. Sometimes that meant that we’d have a day where everyone in the family got to choose one activity that everyone else in the family had got to participate in. So we’d all play Sing Star because I wanted to and some weird elephant game because Paige wanted to. And then we’d play Rescue Heroes with Colton and I’d get to be Billy Blazes, which is great because today the Rescue Heroes are putting out a fire today and everyone who isn’t Billy Blazes has to help by peeing on the fire. Except Matt Medic who was in charge of taking care of all the guys who burned themselves peeing on the fire.

Other times, family bonding would be like you just got home from school on a Friday and Mom calls from Walmart where she is buying a tent because Dad decided we’re going camping. That night. And could you please put together some tin foil dinners to eat while we’re camping because we’re literally leaving in half an hour and no it doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to make a tin foil dinner like just put enough butter in it and it’s bound to taste good and if you don’t think that will work just empty the contents of a frozen dinner into tin foil but make sure that you wrap it up real good because remember last time we don’t want that to happen again.

My dad was also very instrumental in teaching me math. One of the most memorable ways in which he did this was by having me find the average of all the hymns being sung in church that day.The habit has stuck with me to this day (today’s average hymn was 162 and it’s always extra cool when you get a whole number). There was also some multiplication taught using tomato-based word problems. This technique worked, which was impressive considering that I disliked both multiplication and tomatoes. Thankfully, my dad stuck to teaching me math and science because he wasn’t particularly helpful as far as English was concerned. We’ve only relatively recently managed to convince him that the word very is not, in fact, spelled with two r‘s.

Some other things about my dad:

• He likes basketball. And football. And baseball. But not soccer, because he just doesn’t get it.
• He once threw a 70s disco dance party because he was bored. 
• He can shoot guns. Generally in the direction of his intended target.
• Once he repeatedly threw his hat at a moving ceiling fan to see if he could get it to catch on one of the blades. It didn’t work, but it was a really valiant effort, nonetheless.
• He does not like bow ties. At all.
• But sweater vests are okay. As are bolo ties. Probably not at the same time, but honestly I don’t know.
• He’s good at riding horses. Except we had that one horse who’s name we could never remember and that was awkward.
• He makes a really scary demon.
• He can catch fish.
• He can remove a fish hook from my face when I fail hardcore at fishing.
• He watches a lot of baseball.
• Like A LOT of baseball.
• He once went through a bread-making phase.
• He also once went through a Shakespeare-reading phase.
• And a trigonometry phase.
• Also a phase where he really liked sewing custom-made diapers for dogs.
• He’s pretty much the coolest. In a really weird, dorky sort of way.

Love you, Dad!

Taylor Swift lyrics of the week: “I have an excellent father. His strength is making me stronger.”

My weird high school habits are finally paying off.

This semester I’ve been taking a psycholinguistics class where we basically just talk about how the brain processes language. For our final project for the class, we had to collect a bunch of speech errors and analyze what went wrong in the brain when the person was trying to say whatever it was they were trying to say. As it turns out, sometimes people stop wanting to be your friend when you whip out a notebook to write down every mistake they make while speaking.

But then I remembered that I spent the entirety of my high school years writing down weird things that people said in my quote books. I had four years worth of linguistic data to sort through. It was a gold mine of speech errors. As a result, I think I also had one of the more interesting projects in the class (my speech errors were probably the funniest). So I guess it’s kind of nice that keeping the Quote Book has finally paid off.

I am INVINCIBLE!

Thursday I stepped on a shard of broken glass and got it stuck in my foot. I was home alone and therefore had to remove the glass myself. Long story short, I basically cut my own foot open (just a little) and got the glass out. And then I contemplated how I should probably invest in some first aid supplies (having a bandaid on hand would have been nice). Anyway, there’s nothing like slicing your own foot open to make you feel invincible. In case you were wondering, there was no chance I was just going to leave the glass there and hope it got better. When I was a kid I got a sliver and my mom told me that she had an uncle or something that got a sliver and didn’t remove it and it got infected and they had to amputate his leg. I’m not even sure if that’s true or not, but it was really effective nonetheless.

I broke my own record for most consecutive hours in the library

I should have probably listed this before the glass thing, because it’s not as interesting. Too lazy to change it, though. I love libraries. They have books. They have summer reading programs where you can win awesome SWAG (see the next section). They have air conditioning (my house does not). Despite liking libraries, though, I don’t love spending hours on end scanning books for my thesis. Saturday, I was really determined to finish all the scanning, though. So I spent seven consecutive hours in the library. If that doesn’t feel like a very long time, remember you can’t eat in the library. Though I did sneak in a granola bar because I’m a total rebel. I did finish the scanning. I want to pretend like that means I’m basically done with my thesis, but it mostly just means I’ve collected enough data to start writing my thesis.

I accidentally offend a librarian.

Remember that summer reading program and the SWAG I mentioned earlier? Well, it just so happens that I am really good at summer reading programs (being in a children’s literature class has helped). I won a whole bunch of SWAG. I was digging through the box and I took some candy (which melted almost beyond eatability in my house because the world is not a fair place) and a notebook. And then I said I was going to just take some pens because I wanted to leave the cool stuff for the kids. And this librarian just looked at me like how-dare-you-insinuate-that-our-pens-are-not-cool. She then pointed out that the pen could double as a stylus (which might be cool if I had a device where I used a stylus) and that it contained a light. The light was actually really helpful in the whole glass removal episode. So I apologize for suggesting the pens weren’t cool. I’m actually really glad I have like five of them.

Taylor Swift lyrics of the week: “Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there’s no right answer.”

Other lyrics I like this week (my Spotify is no longer stuck on the 80s playlist):

“Your eyes they shine so bright, I want to save that light. I can’t escape this now unless you show me how.” Demons, Imagine Dragons.

“You’re the fastest runner but you’re not allowed to win. Some break the rules and live to count the cost. The insecurity is the thing that won’t get lost.” No One is To Blame, Howard Jones

“I’ve found I’m scared to know I’m always on your mind.” Collide, Howie Day

I am presenting you with some GIFs that describe my romantic situation. Because what else would I do at 1 am on a Thursday night (Friday morning, technically).

Me saying hi to a guy I like

Me trying to impress a guy I like

Me at a dance on non-slow songs

Me waiting for a text

Me with a guy who can’t take a hint

My excuses for not hanging out

When I accidentally say something stupid to a guy I like

Some guys…

Me trying to decode something a guy said or did

When a guy I like talks to me

Having self doubts

Feeling confident

When I notice a guy looking at me

But most of the time I’m like

So fingers crossed

You should be nice. But not too nice.

Monday I went to a service project where we were cleaning up the local cemetery and removing dead flowers. The cemetery was fairly large and it was hot out and I was allergic to just about everything. Nonetheless, our group moved swiftly through the graveyard. We were just congratulating ourselves on how competent we were in the person in charge of the grounds came by and politely asked us to stop. Apparently they had another group coming through, and needed us to leave some work for them. So we stopped and ate really disappointing cookies.

I think I may be the squirrel whisperer.

There are squirrels everywhere on campus right now. Except I’m the only one who seems to notice them. Not only that, but most of the squirrels seem totally cool with me getting up close and personal with them. Wednesday I was walking home and I saw one and she let me get within like a foot of her. And I was watching her really intently and somebody came along and asked if I was okay, because it looked like I was just staring really hard at some shrubs. Anyway, I think I may have squirrel related super powers.

Don’t think squirrel powers are cool? Because Marvel totally has a character named Squirrel Girl. And before you laugh, I’m just going to point out that she beat Dr. Doom, who is kinda a major super villain.

I accidentally celebrate doughnut day way too much.

Friday was national doughnut day. I was headed to the grocery store anyway, so I thought I’d grab a doughnut. Except they were out of the individual doughnuts so I had to buy a dozen, which was like 11 doughnuts too many. The good news is, you can make a lot of friends by giving away doughnuts.

I played Super Smash Bros. for the first time.

This wasn’t probably interesting enough to mention on the blog but Cameron’s always asking for a shout out, so I’m mostly writing this to humor him.

Taylor Swift lyrics of the week: “It’s poker. He can’t see it in my face, but I’m about to play my ace.”

Other lyrics I like this week (which may reflect the fact that my Spotify is glitching and stuck on my 80s playlist)

“I’ll take my chances. I forgot how nice romance is. I haven’t been there for the longest time.” The Longest Time, Billy Joel

“I wear my sunglasses at night so I can, so I can see the light that’s right before my eyes.” I Wear My Sunglasses at Night, Corey Hart

“I try to discover a little something to make me sweeter. Oh baby, refrain from breaking my heart.” Respect, Erasure

The Fattest Squirrel

I guess my life isn’t exactly thrilling right now because when I was thinking about what to write about, the first thing that came to mind was this squirrel I saw when I was walking home from class today. To be fair, this was like the fattest squirrel I’d ever seen. He ran out in front of me on the sidewalk. And then he just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. And I stared at him because he was really fat. And he stared at me, but hopefully not because I’m really fat. But I just don’t think you guys are going to appreciate how incredibly large this squirrel was so we’re just going to move on.

Holy Science, Batman!

Yesterday the Provo City Library was doing their summer reading kick off, and the theme was superheroes. So of course I was there because I love books and superheroes. Both together is a dream come true. I signed up, for the reading challenge, and you can see my avatar below. She’s already unlocked level 3 powers! Which is good because her level 1 powers mostly had to do with cheese.

There was also a mad science presentation that I went to. It was pretty good except I realized once I got there that the target age was about six years old. But I guess you’re never too old for a refresher course on atoms. Or to feel embarrassed for the scientist when their experiment doesn’t work and they accidentally explode an egg everywhere.

I broke the microwave because I got too cocky.

I have a baking curfew. This is an important thing because if I try to bake even simple things after 10 pm, I ruin everything. I mean I’ll do things like forget sugar or fry eggs (which is fine if you’re frying eggs, but not ideal if you’re baking cookies). Last night I convinced my roommate to bake cookies at 1 AM. Because why not? And I thought it would be okay because she was the one actually doing all the cooking. I didn’t think I could ruin anything if I wasn’t helping. But then I tried to set a timer on the microwave and it didn’t really go according to plan. And now our microwave clock doesn’t work and sometimes it gives us error messages. I didn’t know the microwave could do that?

Taylor Swift lyrics of the week:

“You’ve got your demons and, darling they all look like me.”

Other lyrics I like this week:

“I’ll even ask your forgiveness though I don’t know just what I’m asking it for.” Hold Me Now, Thompson Twins

“And if I know you at all, I know you’ve gone too far. So I can’t look at the stars.” Stars, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

“A penny for my thoughts. Oh, no. I’ll sell them for a dollar. They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner. And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singing. Funny when you’re dead how people start listening.” If I Die Young, The Band Perry