Since it’s Father’s Day, this post is going to reflect on how awesome my dad is. And weird. And awesomely weird. And weirdly awesome.
My dad has always been great about bringing us together as a family. Sometimes that meant that we’d have a day where everyone in the family got to choose one activity that everyone else in the family
had got to participate in. So we’d all play Sing Star because I wanted to and some weird elephant game because Paige wanted to. And then we’d play Rescue Heroes with Colton and I’d get to be Billy Blazes, which is great because today the Rescue Heroes are putting out a fire today and everyone who isn’t Billy Blazes has to help by peeing on the fire. Except Matt Medic who was in charge of taking care of all the guys who burned themselves peeing on the fire.
Other times, family bonding would be like you just got home from school on a Friday and Mom calls from Walmart where she is buying a tent because Dad decided we’re going camping. That night. And could you please put together some tin foil dinners to eat while we’re camping because we’re literally leaving in half an hour and no it doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to make a tin foil dinner like just put enough butter in it and it’s bound to taste good and if you don’t think that will work just empty the contents of a frozen dinner into tin foil but make sure that you wrap it up real good because remember last time we don’t want that to happen again.
My dad was also very instrumental in teaching me math. One of the most memorable ways in which he did this was by having me find the average of all the hymns being sung in church that day.The habit has stuck with me to this day (today’s average hymn was 162 and it’s always extra cool when you get a whole number). There was also some multiplication taught using tomato-based word problems. This technique worked, which was impressive considering that I disliked both multiplication and tomatoes. Thankfully, my dad stuck to teaching me math and science because he wasn’t particularly helpful as far as English was concerned. We’ve only relatively recently managed to convince him that the word very is not, in fact, spelled with two r‘s.
Some other things about my dad:
- He likes basketball. And football. And baseball. But not soccer, because he just doesn’t get it.
- He once threw a 70s disco dance party because he was bored.
- He can shoot guns. Generally in the direction of his intended target.
- Once he repeatedly threw his hat at a moving ceiling fan to see if he could get it to catch on one of the blades. It didn’t work, but it was a really valiant effort, nonetheless.
- He does not like bow ties. At all.
- But sweater vests are okay. As are bolo ties. Probably not at the same time, but honestly I don’t know.
- He’s good at riding horses. Except we had that one horse who’s name we could never remember and that was awkward.
- He makes a really scary demon.
- He can catch fish.
- He can remove a fish hook from my face when I fail hardcore at fishing.
- He watches a lot of baseball.
- Like A LOT of baseball.
- He once went through a bread-making phase.
- He also once went through a Shakespeare-reading phase.
- And a trigonometry phase.
- Also a phase where he really liked sewing custom-made diapers for dogs.
- He’s pretty much the coolest. In a really weird, dorky sort of way.
Love you, Dad!
Taylor Swift lyrics of the week: “I have an excellent father. His strength is making me stronger.”