RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: January 2015

Lifetime Achievements (Why I’m totally datable)

Any long time reader of this blog (aka, my sisters) may know thatI have been single for quite some time (pretty much my whole life). The devoted reader may also note that I get a little annoyed with people asking about my dating status. Yet despite my perpetual singleness, I’m quite awesome. I’ve compiled a list of some of my finest life accomplishments to demonstrate.

  • I once took 10 miuntes of a Welsh class.
  • I know a whole bunch about Meles meles, or badgers as some call them.
  • I once finished a bottle of shampoo and a bottle of conditioner at the same time.
  • I’m like super good at barking like a dog.
  • I once raised an entire colony of water balloons
  • Once I honked at a guy driving a monster truck because he annoyed me (I was driving a Subaru Outback)
  • I’ve used an entire tube of chapstick without losing it. It only took four years.
  • I once convinced everyone in my science class that I was moving to Canada.
  • I accidentally knocked out my sister’s front teeth.
  • I was awarded first place in a horseback riding competition in which I was the only competitor.
  • I’m way good at getting hair clogs out of shower drains.
  • I can cut out really elaborate paper snowflakes.
  • I have a reasonably impressive collection of rubber ducks.
  • Sometimes I flip straight to the page I’m looking for.
  • I have composed a song about dangling modifiers.
  • I have also composed a song about my middle school’s dress code.
  • One time I wrestled a plastic hair clip from a hungry emu