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Furbys: the devil’s plaything

WARNING: To my dear followers who are used to blog posts on fun, frivolous posts about topics such as spatulas and Disney princesses, this post is not like those I have previously posted. It is much darker and delves into the inner-mind to discuss a truly terrifying matter. Be warned. Things could get freaky.

One day in Spanish class we had a writing prompt that asked us to discuss something de la moda (in fashion) from our childhood. I think, perhaps, that our teacher was looking for a discussion on clothing styles that were popular. But as a child I had no interest in clothes (a fact which my mother can attest to). Having limited time to respond to the prompt I instead chose to talk about something I could remember from my childhood— what toys were in fashion. I’ll take a second to point out that, while not exactly the topic our teacher probably wanted, the essay wasn’t about Batman as so many of my other Spanish class essays were.

In my essay I talked about Digipets (the wikipedia article on them points out that, unlike real pets, they rarely die and or reproduce) and Beanie Babies (a product which has apparently suffered from a number of counterfeit cases). The bulk of my essay, how ever was devoted to discussing Furbies. You remember Furbies, don’t you. How could anyone forget them.

I think now would be a good time to mention that Furbys scare the living daylights out of me. I mean, they’re always watching you. Watching, watching, watching. And someday, long after you’ve shoved it into the back of your closet in an attempt to eradicate it from your memory, you’ll hear it. It’ll say something to you in that demonic Furbish tongue it has.You’ll wonder how this could be, because all logic informs you that the creature’s batteries died long, long ago. My theory? This happens because Frubys do not run on batteries alone, but on a power source much more powerful and sinister. Yes, Furby’s are in fact powered by the cosmic force of evil.

Don’t laugh. This is serious. For those of you who’ve never had the terrifying experience of listening to a Furby talk to you from beyond the grave and don’t see why they’re so creepy, I will elaborate. I’ve heard a horror story or two.

For starters, if Furbies were living creatures (I say living in like a non-paranormal sort of way. You know, not in the sense that Frankenstein is ALIVE!), they would look something like this:

Would you want one of those things sitting on your shelf staring at you with those beady eyes? No way! The thing just looks like it’s up to no good.

Furthermore, Furbys as I hinted at earlier, are not easy to kill. I’m sure, like stakes for vampires and wooden bullets for werewolves, Furbys have an Achilles heel. We have yet to discover what exactly it is that will save us from their terror, though. Dissecting them doesn’t work. It only takes away the sheep’s clothing that made them seem ok to place them the hands of children in the first place.

I met a guy once who shot a Furby. AND IT STILL DIDN”T DIE! I tell you these things really creep me out. That last story may not even be true. But I wouldn’t put it beyond the realm of possibility. Basically what I’m getting at is don’t ever buy a Furby, and if you ever come across one, get away! These “toys” are not to be trifled with.

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9 responses »

  1. My cousin is 24, and she had one when her 19 year old sister was little. My uncle hated it cause it freaked him out. When the batteries died , (about 2 1/2 years after they got it) they put them in the back of the playroom closet. I’m a lot younger, and I am always digging through their old stuff. I found the Furby. Guess what? It’s still alive.

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  2. he he he…my daughter’s is in my kitchen cupboard…I don’t know how or why it is there but I haven’t moved it in years and now I surely won’t…

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  3. What is that animal in the photo???

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  4. My little sister and my little brother bolth have them. It’s torture.

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  5. My sis and I had two of prototypes thanks to our aunt. I am a light sleeper and furby jever going to be my friend so thrown in closet. The next day batteries removed. 1 week later me hate you was heard from my closet. I bludgened it to death with a hammer. Dad joked mighty mouse when sw furby remains in outdoor trash. Some how the following night sissy screams from her room and her bloody red and black one had knife on it’s foot and was saying something about killing you me kill furbish me you furbish me no like you. It was just a small steak knife. Sissy had screamed I grabbed it from behind and bludgened it to death. I know about internal battery but their still terrifying to me cause our prototypes acted so bizarrely

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  6. I don’t think furbies are evil, I can’t stress enough that these little things are not at all evil because they, in fact, don’t want our soul, they only want to play with us and be our permanent best friends. It’s just that furbies can get cranky from time to time because they get treated badly just like us humans and they have sensors that don’t like how badly we treat them at any moment. By the way, Mulan would NEVER kick my trash, so now, YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE THE FURBIES A FREAKING SECOND CHANCE, YOU DEUCHE!

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  7. I get this is a joke but that’s what the inside of most electronic toys looks like. Like, did you think there wouldn’t be wires and sensors? Also this is kind of like looking at a cat skeleton and going ‘that’s so scary! I won’t have my kids around cats knowing that’s inside it!’ Also I mean, even stuffed animals, a big pile of stuffing and/or plastic beans aren’t exactly little kid safe either. God forbid they play with a wooden block, someone could carve something scary from it.

    This showed up as 2017 for me because of the last comment, and I see now that it’s five years old, but seriously this joke was overplayed in 1999. (and, if it’s any relief to you, the insides of 2012s, booms, and especially connects are way less mechanical looking, since that apparently frightens you).

    Reply

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