WARNING: To my dear followers who are used to blog posts on fun, frivolous posts about topics such as spatulas and Disney princesses, this post is not like those I have previously posted. It is much darker and delves into the inner-mind to discuss a truly terrifying matter. Be warned. Things could get freaky.
One day in Spanish class we had a writing prompt that asked us to discuss something de la moda (in fashion) from our childhood. I think, perhaps, that our teacher was looking for a discussion on clothing styles that were popular. But as a child I had no interest in clothes (a fact which my mother can attest to). Having limited time to respond to the prompt I instead chose to talk about something I could remember from my childhood— what toys were in fashion. I’ll take a second to point out that, while not exactly the topic our teacher probably wanted, the essay wasn’t about Batman as so many of my other Spanish class essays were.
In my essay I talked about Digipets (the wikipedia article on them points out that, unlike real pets, they rarely die and or reproduce) and Beanie Babies (a product which has apparently suffered from a number of counterfeit cases). The bulk of my essay, how ever was devoted to discussing Furbies. You remember Furbies, don’t you. How could anyone forget them.
I think now would be a good time to mention that Furbys scare the living daylights out of me. I mean, they’re always watching you. Watching, watching, watching. And someday, long after you’ve shoved it into the back of your closet in an attempt to eradicate it from your memory, you’ll hear it. It’ll say something to you in that demonic Furbish tongue it has.You’ll wonder how this could be, because all logic informs you that the creature’s batteries died long, long ago. My theory? This happens because Frubys do not run on batteries alone, but on a power source much more powerful and sinister. Yes, Furby’s are in fact powered by the cosmic force of evil.
Don’t laugh. This is serious. For those of you who’ve never had the terrifying experience of listening to a Furby talk to you from beyond the grave and don’t see why they’re so creepy, I will elaborate. I’ve heard a horror story or two.
For starters, if Furbies were living creatures (I say living in like a non-paranormal sort of way. You know, not in the sense that Frankenstein is ALIVE!), they would look something like this:
Would you want one of those things sitting on your shelf staring at you with those beady eyes? No way! The thing just looks like it’s up to no good.
Furthermore, Furbys as I hinted at earlier, are not easy to kill. I’m sure, like stakes for vampires and wooden bullets for werewolves, Furbys have an Achilles heel. We have yet to discover what exactly it is that will save us from their terror, though. Dissecting them doesn’t work. It only takes away the sheep’s clothing that made them seem ok to place them the hands of children in the first place.
I met a guy once who shot a Furby. AND IT STILL DIDN”T DIE! I tell you these things really creep me out. That last story may not even be true. But I wouldn’t put it beyond the realm of possibility. Basically what I’m getting at is don’t ever buy a Furby, and if you ever come across one, get away! These “toys” are not to be trifled with.